This is hard to read, let alone live through. You're doing so well just to be you and be a Mom - well done. I don't have any amazing ideas, I just want to offer empathy. I think you need a break, however you can get it. Even if it's a close friend, relative, who stays over for a few nights fully knowing they will be up til 3 or 4am with the boys (not trying to solve it, just take over that role from you). If you could get just a couple of nights better sleep yourself, it might give you a new angle. All the best.

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